Higher
by Zhe01
Summary: To Yuki, Shuuichi has always been higher. ShuuichiYuki
1. Exhaust

**Exhaust**

Yuki walked out of the bedroom frowning – Shuuichi was having a vacation from the living… he has been in bed through days and nights when he wasn't working.

Yuki sat down on the couch in the living room and watched TV absently, barely registering the moving shapes, exhausted himself.

An hour later, he found himself in the bedroom again, a hand on Shuuichi's forehead. He felt a bit warm – sleeping-warm not fever-warm.

The doorbell brought him back to current time. He got up and went to answer.

Leaning on the doorframe, he swung it open and raised a bored eyebrow.

"To what do I owe this visit, Mr. Nakano?"

"I…uh…I'm here to check on Shuuichi."

"He's sleeping."

"I see…"

"Is there anything else?"

"Actually… there is. I also wanted to see you."

"What the hell for?"

"Is there something going on between you two? I mean… Shuuichi's been coming to work in terrible condition. He even lost weight a little, which we thought was physically impossible without looking like your bones are the only thing under your skin."

"He's fine and he's sleeping now."

"But-"

"Is there anything else?"

Hiiro exhaled and looked directly into Yuki's eyes. "If my friend is sick or suffering anything and I learn that you've been neglecting him, I-"

"Aren't you tired of threatening me, Mr. Nakano? Don't you have anything better to do in your free time? Or, rather, anyone?"

Hiiro didn't blink.

Yuki closed the door in his face and went to get himself a drink before he made his way back to the bedroom.

"Yuki," Shuuichi mumbled from the bed.

"What?"

"S'loud," Shuuichi moaned, pulling the covers over his head.

Yuki half-frowned. He sat on the bed and put his hand on Shuuichi's forehead under the covers. Shuuichi held it, making him jump.

"S'cold."

"Baka, let go of my hand," he unintentionally harshly growled.

"Nu uh."

"Baka!" He warned.

"Please, Yuki… allow me…"

Shuuichi's form started shaking under the covers. Then, Yuki felt hot wetness on his hand. He tried to pull the covers off but Shuuichi was too tightly wrapped in it.

Yuki, uncharacteristically, lifted Shuuichi with the covers, slid behind him and held him. His other hand slowly uncovered Shuuichi's face so he could breath easier. Shuuichi nuzzled his hand and sniffled.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Light," Shuuichi murmured.

Yuki moved his other hand over Shuuichi's eyes to block the light. "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Why would there be anything wrong?" Shuuichi said with a deep voice, almost sounding like a whisper, before he sniffled.

"No reason."

Shuuichi's form shook a little. Yuki frowned.

"Yuki is being sarcastic," Shuuichi giggled.

Yuki raised an eyebrow.

"You probably have an eyebrow up."

Yuki lowered it and raised the other.

Shuuichi sniffled and snuggled. He pulled Yuki's hand to his lips and kissed it before nuzzling his head into it like a kitten to its mother's warmth. He fell asleep that way, and that was how Tohma and Mika found them.

"Oh my, are we disturbing something?" Tohma said.

"Yes. Me. What do you want?"

"You, Eiri. We miss you. Honestly, cuddling now?" Mika said, following him in.

"Get out."

"Now, now. Is that a way to speak to your older sister?"

"Yes."

"How about we all calm down?" Tohma suggested, unpleasantly cheerfully to Yuki's ears and almost a sore to his eyes.

"And leave."

"I didn't know you could be so adorable-" Mika started.

"Do not finish that sentence if you value your life."

She rolled her eyes.

"Is Shindou-san feeling alright?" Tohma asked.

"That's none of your business. Now kindly show yourselves _out_, you're giving me a _headache_!" Yuki growled.

"That's his equivalent to 'I love you'."

He glared at Mika.

"Just the headache or are you afraid we'll wake the pink sleeping beauty?"

"Just the headache. Goodbye."

Yuki closed his eyes.

He felt movement nearby so he opened his eyes.

Tohma clicked the shutters down and smiled. "Sleep well."

Yuki nodded his thanks silently and rested the hand he held over Shuuichi's eyes around him instead, making him sigh.

"I hope Shindou-san will feel better soon. Good luck, Eiri."

Mika was already gone. Yuki nodded and closed his eyes again. Tohma closed the door.


	2. Squall

**Yuki and Shuuichi, a violent storm and warm softness.**

Shuuichi kept sitting on the small chair near Yuki's, wearing only his large white pullover and boxers, and silently kept glaring at the paper in his hand as the rain fell endlessly outside.

"It won't write itself."

Shuuichi looked up. "I wish it would."

Yuki never looked away from his screen. He read back before continuing to type.

Shuuichi drew a bug on the paper.

Yuki gasped as the wind suddenly blew harder outside, forcing a whistle around the building's corner. _Good thing I turned the heating up a few hours ago to prepare for this. It looks like it's going to be a cold night._

Shuuichi glanced at him.

"Yuki? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Be quiet."

Shuuichi looked at him a few seconds before turning back to his bug.

A harsh gust of wind against the windows and an abrupt clap of thunder made the hairs at the back of Yuki's neck stand. Rain started showering and hitting at the windows because of the wind.

_Yuki,_ Shuuichi thought bewildered. His eyes were wider than usual at the click of his logic. _Are you… afraid of the storm?_

As the rain started hitting the window harder and a loud whistle ghosted its way through his spine, Yuki made a sound foreign to Shuuichi's ears and tensed.

Shuuichi pushed his leg out and across so that it rested against Yuki's.

Taking the soothing presence, Yuki slowly relaxed and resumed typing.

Lightening tore its way in front of the window and a clap roared its way through the walls. Yuki jumped once more, tensing horrible, before pushing the screen of his laptop down and putting his head down on folded arms across it.

"Yuki."

_It's so cold._

Warmth covered him then enveloped him.

_Just like that night._

"Yuki."

Fingers brushed his hair away from his forehead and behind his ear. He felt a kiss to his temple.

"Are you tired, Yuki?"

"Mm."

"Come, let's sleep. We'll work later."

A menacing thunderclap brought his hands tighter around himself.

"Yuki."

Shuuichi put his head on the back of Yuki's shoulder.

"I'm here, Yuki."

His hand rubbed Yuki's back.

"I'm here."

Another foreign sound escaped as the wind whistled and crashed the rain onto the window.

"Yuki?"

Shuuichi kissed the back of his shoulder and then his temple once more.

"Trust me, Yuki. Your Shuuichi is here, and I'm never leaving."

"Shut up, brat. You're giving me a headache."

_Don't push me away, Yuki. You don't have to be alone._

They stayed like that a long time before Shuuichi's hand tugged Yuki gently upwards. Yuki must have been too numb to feel the streaks on his face and the fresh tears sliding to his jaws. Shuuichi looked into dreary hazel eyes and slid in the space between Yuki and the desk. He put his arms around Yuki, leaning a knee on the chair between Yuki's legs to not hurt his back when he pulled him to his chest. Although he was physically there, eyes open… Yuki was very far.

Shuuichi petted Yuki's soft hair and allowed his heartbeat and breathing to calm his frightened lover. _Don't be afraid, Yuki. As long as I'm alive, you're safe. It's not the same night. Tonight, I'm with you, like every coming night._

Shuuichi held the unresponsive Yuki.

Yuki felt like his brain had turned into a blank, white page. His pupils were dilated and his gaze constant, staring at the wall but seeing nothing at all.

"Your Shu-chan's here, Yuki. Come back."

Shuuichi's hand came down and wiped the tears away gently. His thumb lingered above Yuki's eyes then gently urged delicate lids to close.

Yuki closed his eyes and floated into the warmth. And when the thunder, whistling, clattering and howling came from beyond the window, it didn't matter, because it was too far away.

"I love you, Yuki, and I want you strong and comfortable forever, my beautiful." Shuuichi's hand kept petting Yuki's hair as blood returned to Yuki's face, ridding of the frightening paleness his features reflected a while before.

"**Speak softly love and hold me warm against your heart**," Shuuichi slowly started to sing. "**I feel your words the tender trembling moments start**…" He kissed the top of Yuki's head. "**We're in a world…our very own - sharing a love that only few have ever known**."

Yuki closed his eyes.

"**Wine colored days warmed by the sun, deep velvet nights…when we are one**." Shuuichi's caressing hands returned to the soft blonde hair."**Speak softly love so no one hears us but the sky. The vows of love we make will live until we die. My life is yours, and all because… you came into my world with love, so softly love**."

Shuuichi pulled back, holding Yuki's hand as he did. "Let's go to bed, Yuki."

Yuki allowed himself to be lead to the bedroom. He watched as Shuuichi undid the buttons of his shirt and slid it over his shoulders then the button of his pants and zipper before letting it drop to the ground as well.

Shuuichi removed the covers and made Yuki sit on the bed. He went to the closet and pulled out his favorite orange pullover and put it on Yuki. He smiled softly, kissing Yuki's forehead, then crawled onto the bed too, pulling Yuki down with him. He covered both of them and held Yuki close, resting his head on his chest, and continued to pet his hair.****

_Wine colored days warmed by the sun,  
Deep velvet night when we are one…_

**_Speak softly love so no one hears us but the sky.  
The vows of love we make will live until we die.  
My life is yours and all because you came into my world with love, so softly love._**

"**_You came into my world with love… so softly_**." Shuuichi kissed his hair. "**_Love_**," he whispered, eyes closed.

"Shu-chan," Yuki whispered.

Shuuichi's eyes opened. "Yes?"

"This song… It's mine."

Shuuichi smiled. "Ok," he said, continuing to pet Yuki's hair until his breathing calmed. "Yours."

_Lyrics borrowed from Matt Monro – "Speak Softly Love"_


	3. Brink

**Sometimes, the brink is the only thing that pulls back to the center of gravity.**

Shuuichi knocked on the door.

Yuki kept typing as it opened.

"Yuki?"

Shuuichi pushed the door open.

"Yuki?"

He frowned.

"Won't you look at me?"

Yuki's fingers stopped and he turned towards the door.

"I… uh…" He exhaled.

Yuki's right eyebrow rose.

"Come sit with me," he said - his voice cheerful but his face miserable.

Yuki nodded to the chair next to him. "Why don't you just sit in your usual seat here, brat?"

"I don't want to."

Yuki turned back to the laptop.

"Yuki…" Shuuichi said, his expression crumpling further. _Why is it so hard to get your attention? Why do I have to try so hard to stop being lonely? People in love shouldn't be lonely in each others' presence! This is wrong!_

"Shut up, idiot."

Shuuichi blinked. "Did I say that out loud?" he said, pointing at himself in confusion.

"No, you whined it like a five-year-old girl."

Shuuichi's jaw dropped. "YOU'RE SO MEAN!"

Yuki ignored the fact that Shuuichi started crying dramatically like a chibi character from some anime with fountains for tears. Many seconds later, when he didn't stop and walk out, Yuki turned back to Shuuichi. "Would you-" He stopped.

Shuuichi was on his knees, one arm limp and the other over his eyes, shoulders hunched and body shaking from sobs as his tears fell to the parquet floor.

He couldn't move. His brain was… blank. No complete word formed in his head. _What's… going on?_ It was like the thin string that tied logic to him had snapped.

In a panic, Yuki found his legs carrying him towards the kitchen. His hands moved automatically as through his brain has given his spinal cord the permission for all decisions concerning motor activities.

Shuuichi's head throbbed. He couldn't stop if his life depended on it. A smell woke his senses a little bit. He stopped and looked up ahead of him, sniffing. He looked down, blinking.

_A mug of hot chocolate?_ He looked to his right.

Yuki was crouched next to him, holding the mug out.

"For me?" He blinked, pointing at himself.

Yuki nodded once.

Shuuichi held it. They stayed that way, on the floor. Shuuichi smelled the hot chocolate, his headache gone instantly.

Yuki's eyes were glued on him. He looked at Shuuichi smelling the chocolate and relaxing. He warmed when Shuuichi kissed his cheek and sipped some hot chocolate. He lowered himself to an Indian style sitting position and watched Shuuichi drink, occasionally gasp, hiccup and giggle.

When the hot chocolate was gone, Shuuichi held the mug out. Yuki looked at it. _I have to clean it too?_ He scowled mentally, taking it. He straightened up and went to return the mug to the kitchen. He turned to return to the study when he was met by the image of Shuuichi leaning on the hallway's edge, looking at him expectantly. _He's even trying not to show emotion, _he mentally scoffed. _Of all the lovers in the world, I get the most energetic pink fur ball of emotional turmoil!_

He frowned. _Why do I love him?_

Shuuichi's face fell. _Is he going to yell at me now?_

_Remind me why I'm a sucker for those eyes again? _He sighed and approached Shuuichi. _Don't look at me like that, brat._ He leaned forward and kissed the soft, pink lips. When he pulled back, the violet eyes opened once more, very slowly.

"Idiot. Don't cry. I hate it when you cry. You should only smile. Nothing is worth your tears, silly pink brat."

A gasp escaped Shuuichi's lips. _Yuki… loves my smile._ His eyes welled up once more.

_Great going, fucktard. You were supposed to stop tears not cause them,_ Yuki chastised himself mentally.

"Yuk-"

Yuki, surprised, froze as Shuuichi threw himself at Yuki and wrapped his arms around Yuki's waist tightly, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

Slowly, Yuki brought his hands down, resting his arms around Shuuichi.

"Sit with me," muffled words came through his shirt.

Minutes later found Yuki sitting silently next to Shuuichi, watching some silly show muted. Neither of them was really paying attention enough to realize it was muted.

"Yuki?"

Yuki grunted.

"Why did you make hot chocolate?"

Yuki stayed silent for a few seconds before answering. "How do you refuel a hyperactive ball of energy?"

Shuuichi sulked.

"It wasn't an insult."

Shuuichi grinned. "Does that mean you like my energy?"

Yuki rolled his eyes.

"Hey, hey! Yu-ki! Say it! Say you love my energy! Please!" Shuuichi sang.

Yuki sighed. "Shut up, brat."

"Aw… but you love my energy!"

Yuki remained quiet and glared at the screen which had some stupid add about a comic named 'Gravitation'. _What kind of dork would name a comic 'Gravitation' anyway?_

"Oh! Yuki! I HAVE TO GET THAT COMIC!!"

"No you don't."

"Oh, but there's this character, he's so hot, Yuki! He's the strong and silent type! And he's blonde and cute and adorable! And he feeds the cat under the apartment and doesn't like celery! HE'S JUST LIKE _YOU_, **YUKI**!"

Yuki cringed. "I'm going," he said, attempting to get up. He stopped at the tug at his sleeve. He turned and was caught by the welled wide, violet eyes. _Goddamn it! Those looks should be illegal!_

"I'm sorry… Please don't go! I won't get the comic… Just… don't leave…"

"I'll be in my study, idiot."

"Sit with me."

Yuki sighed and slumped back into his seat, ignoring Shuuichi's starry eyes. _If he ever finds out the power of those eyes… I'm a goner._

"Yuki… tell me you love my energy."

"That's it," Yuki said, pushing Shuuichi off.

"Noooooo!" Shuuichi whined, clinging.

Yuki exhaled and groaned mentally.

Like that Shuuichi slept.

When he woke, he sat up, looking around. "Yu…"

He blinked as his eyes fell on the coffee table.

"Gravitation… Gravitation… GRAVITATION!" He squealed and grabbed it, running into the study where Yuki was typing furiously on his laptop. "Wheeee!! YUKI! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THAAAAAANK YOU!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!"

Yuki allowed himself to get glomped, his fingers never stopping. Shuuichi finally let go and sat on the chair next to Yuki, reading through the comic.

"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE SO MEAN!"

Yuki turned to him. "Huh?"

Shuuichi was crying a fountain like a chibi from some anime. Seconds later, he was once again immersed into the comic once more. Yuki rolled his eyes, relaxing in relief. _Damn turmoil of emotions…! Why the **hell** do I love him again?_

"BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Yuki jumped.

"He didn't know the name of his crush that he was so madly in love with _from the first sight_! WHAT A **LOSER**!"

_Sound familiar?_ Yuki thought, raising an eyebrow. The corners of his mouth lifted as he returned to the task at hand, occasionally glancing at his lover for warm reassurances of his presence. _Because with him, I'm never lonely._

He reached over and ruffled Shuuichi's hair before placing a kiss on his head and returning to his work. Shuuichi blinked and turned to him, completely forgetting about the comic book. _Yuki…_ Shuuichi's heart bubbled and he exhaled contently, getting lost in his gaze to his lover. _Yuki loves me. _He smiled brightly, lost in thoughts of happiness and fuzzy fluff.


	4. Hearth

**Shuuichi looks for the warmth in a freezing world that would hold him higher than anything else no matter how hard the wind blows.**

Shuuichi walked into the apartment. "Yu…" He shook his head. _I better not disturb him._

He removed his shoes and walked slowly and silently to the bedroom to change his clothes. He took the small blanket from the couch in the living room and went to the office. He peeked in. "Yuki," he said in almost a whisper. He waited a few seconds. "Yuki, may I sit next to you?"

"Whatever," came Yuki's reply over the continuous typing and the occasional, frustrated exhale.

Shuuichi walked into the room and closed the door behind him. He sat on the chair next to Yuki's and looked around aimlessly. As he began to droop, Yuki's voice came brought him back. "Go to bed."

He hummed. "It's cold in bed."

"That's because you're barefoot, idiot."

"That's ok, I'm getting warmer now," Shuuichi said, his words very slightly slurred from tire.

He kept looking at the screen, not noticing his head leaning towards Yuki's armrest.

Yuki paused typing to look back at what he wrote. He leaned his hand on the rest and looked down when it felt a little higher than normal. _Idiot. I told him to go to bed._

When Shuuichi opened his eyes again, comfortable warmth engulfed him. "Hmm?" Barely registered arms and a leg wrapping him tightly to a body, and the softness of the bed's covers over him was a silent, soft, sweet, endless lullaby. _Mm… I love you, Yuki._


	5. Shulicious

**Yuki knows how every Shuuichi-sound classifies. Meanwhile, Shuuichi knows what every Yuki-button does.**

"Yuki! I got you this!!" Shuuichi sang, dancing in.

Yuki didn't even flinch as he kept reading.

Shuuichi held out a bag between the screen and Yuki's face, grinning so widely that his eyes were almost closed.

Seconds ticked and Shuuichi kept holding the bag there.

"If you don't take it, I'll drop it on your keyboard," Shuuichi said with a teasing tone.

"You wouldn't," Yuki grumbled.

"You're right, I wouldn't – but my hand would because it's cramping."

Yuki finally moved and caught the bag as Shuuchi's fingers 'accidentally' let go.

"Patchi chocolates! It's the newest chocolate store in Tokyo!"

Yuki put the bag next to the laptop.

Shuuichi giggled.

Yuki slowly turned back to him, alerted. _That giggle can never mean something good._

Shuuchi's hands were behind his back as he slightly swung with a coy look.

"Guess what else I bought… Yuki," he said with an innocent tone.

Yuki groaned and stood. _I know that look._ He took the step between him and Shuuichi. "What else did you buy, Shu-chan?" He wrapped his arm around the slender waist and pushed Shuuchi's hair back with his free hand before tipping his head back.

Another giggle escaped Shuuchi's frame.

Yuki's brow twitched. He broke the kiss only to say, "Now you're scaring me, baby."

Shuuichi giggled again. "Go lower," he said before going up on his toes to reclaim the warm lips.

Yuki grunted as Shuuichi rubbed against him.

Yuki's hands wandered lower to the tight globes and… His eyes shot open and a gasp escaped him.

Shuuichi buried his face in Yuki's neck and moaned. Yuki looked down from over Shuuchi's shoulder as his fingers explored and very pink gel-like slightly twisted devil's tail sticking out of Shuuchi's pants. His heart beat quickened and his breathing became ragged as he moved it around, causing Shuuichi to squirm and moan into him. His other hand unbuttoned Shuuchi's pants and slipped around to trace the continuation.

"Oh Yuki…" Shuuichi moaned, wrapping his arms around Yuki's neck.

Yuki swallowed as his fingers caressed the base.

_Oh Yuki? Oh God! _Yuki's thoughts frenzied as he swore into a grunt and carried Shuuichi while he giggled and squirmed, tagging the bag of chocolate as he was swooped to the bedroom.


	6. Break

**Yuki wonders if a break is in order.**

Yuki exhaled and pushed his chair out from under the desk before he sat back, leaning on the left armrest. _Where __**is**__ that brat? It's 2AM! _He looked at the door before turning back to the screen in front of him to reread what he wrote, constantly checking the clock on the bottom right corner. When he became tired, he turned to the phone, his brain busting itself debating whether he should call or not.

Just then, as if to save his remaining braincells from combustion, the front door opened and closed. He grimaced out of habit.

When no sound came and sound of the key hitting the table before the legendary variable greeting consisting of his name pierced the silence, his right eye opened as he slowly eased himself to relax.

Footsteps made their way across the corridor without the usual pause at the study and the usual pace. Yuki stood and went to the bedroom. His amusement rose when he saw that he reached the bedroom as Shuuichi barely made it halfway in.

"You're late."

Shuuichi stopped, not turning but tensing. "Choreography ran later than expected. I'm sorry, Yuki."

"Why is your voice so hoarse?"

"I'm just tired," Shuuichi said, tottering the last few steps before half crawling and half pulling himself up the bed. "And thirsty." Before he slumped onto the pillow, he undid the buttons on his shirt and pants.

"You're going to sleep just like that?" Yuki asked, folding his arms.

Shuuichi hummed.

"You're going to spoil the sheets."

"Please, Yuki... kick me out tomorrow..."

Yuki frowned. "I'm not going to kick you out, idiot."

Shuuichi murmured into the pillow. He moaned when he felt warmth engulf him.

Shivers ran through his spine as Yuki's hot breath hit his ear. "What's wrong, Shu-chan? Hard day at work?"

Shuuichi moaned back. A firm hand kneaded his back, shoulder and neck. "MmmmYuki..." He sighed as he felt another join it.

_Someone needs a break, _Yuki thought as he kneaded tightness away. He leaned down, pulling the shirt down, and kissed between the exposed shoulder blades. He removed it and allowed Shuuichi to curl his arms under him. Yuki smiled as his fingers returned to the exposed skin. It tensed slightly at the touch as another sigh escaped Shuuichi's lips. _Still so responsive._

Yuki contemplated calling Tohma Seguchi himself.

_Later._

He went back to the inviting, toned shoulder blades and brushed his lips against them before noticing the soft few snores from above him. His eyes traveled up to Shuuichi's sleeping face. Shuuichi's right hand clutched at the pillow while his left hand rested next to his face. Yuki blinked then exhaled.

He quickly pushed himself off the bed.

"Yuki..."

He paused.

"Don't go."

"I'll be right back."

"Mk."

Yuki went back to his study and picked up the phone, his braincells at ease.

_Yes... a break is definitely in order._


	7. Lyrics

**Shuuichi's emotions and Yuki's words make the perfect lyrics.**

Atemonaku hitori samayoi arukitsuzuketa  
Kasuka na toiki o tada shiroku somete

_Shuuichi walked __through__ the park aimlessly, by himself. The chilly weather turned his every sigh into a white cloud as he kept walking on into the night. "Seasons change so quickly... to think this is where I met you, Yuki."_

Utsuri kawari yuku kisetsu no sono hakanasa ni  
Wake mo naku namida ga koboreta

_He leaned over the wooden rails overlooking the ocean. "You made me cry then, and you make me cry now... yet I still love you."_

"Ima mo aishite iru..."

"_Yuki... like the pure white snow... always so sad. I wish I can look up and catch the snow before it falls, before you cry... I want to reach out and hold you close... forever."_

Furitsuzuku kanashimi wa masshiro na yuki ni kawaru  
Zutto sora o miageteta  
Kono karada ga kieru mae ni ima negai ga todoku no nara  
Mou ichido tsuyoku dakishimete

_"Misunderstanding, hurt... even then, when it's horrifying, it's still gentle in my memory. So many times I was hurt... so many times I thought you'd walk away forever... you almost did..." He looked up into the sky. "Even now, I still remember..."_

Wakari aenakute nandomo kizutsuketeita  
Sonna toki demo itsumo yasashikute  
Fui ni watasareta yubiwa ni kizamareteita  
Futari no yakusoku wa kanawanai mama ni  
"Ima mo oboeteiru..."

"_I can't forget when my memory keeps those moments like flashes of a radiant star... I always wanted to be next to you, as if I can't see you again," he chuckled. "I'll always be near you, no matter what. I'm always on your side... I've got you. Never change."_

Toozakaru omoide wa itsumademo mabushi sugite  
Motto soba ni itakatta  
Mou nido to aenai kedo itsumo soba de sasaete kureta  
Anata dake wa kawaranai de ite  
Saigo ni miseta namida ga kisenakute

"_I can't seem to erase your tears from my memory... they disarmed me completely, although it doesn't take tears from you to do so..."_

Kono shiroi yukitachi to issho ni kiete shimattemo  
Anata no kokoro no naka ni zutto saite itai kara

"_Yuki... if I melt like winter snowflakes from your heart... I hope to bloom in once more like a bud. I don't want you to ever forget me... even if someday you do leave me for someone else... I can't forget even your voice, and it lulls me into a deep sleep."_

Yorisotte dakiatta nukumori wa wasurenaide ne  
Chigau dareka o aishitemo  
Saigo ni kiita anata no koe o kono mama zutto hanasanai mama  
Fukaku nemuri ni ochitai

"_Idiot, if these are lyrics, tell me now and I'll do the world a favor and push you over that rail."_

_Shuuichi gasped and turned. "Yuki!"_

_Yuki stood, arms on his waist and an obviously disgusted expression on his face._

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_What, they have your name tattooed on this park's ass?"_

_Shuuichi pouted. "Yuki is so mean!"_

_Yuki snorted and lit a cigarette._

"_Stop smoking." Shuuichi pouted._

_Yuki's brow rose._

_Shuuichi frowned. "I have a concert tomorrow. There's a new single!"_

"_That wasn't it, right?" Yuki said, exhaling the smoke._

_Shuuichi frowned._

_Yuki put his hand to his head before he took another swig and dropped the cigarette onto the floor. His shoes snuffed it as he held his hand out. "Hand it over, dork."_

_Shuuichi held out a paper with messy scribbles on._

"_You look confident to hand it over... how many copies did you hide in various places in Japan?"_

_Shuuichi grinned. "Not telling."_

_Yuki snorted as they walked across the bridge._

"_Fujisaki is sooooo gonna have a fit," Shuuichi snickered._

Furitsuzuku kanashimi wa masshiro na yuki ni kawaru  
Zutto sora o miageteta  
Kono karada ga kieru mae ni ima negai ga todoku no nara  
Mou ichido tsuyoku dakishimete  
"Mou ichido tsuyoku dakishimete.."

The crown cheered as the last note faded off. Shuuichi looked up to the exit door and smiled. Yuki Eiri put his shades on and smirked before disappearing.

"Thank you all very much! This was our newest single 'Last Song'!" Shuuichi cried out. "Yukiiii!!!!!!!"

Yuki lost his composure for a second before hurrying out muttering, "damn brat!"

**Credit goes to Camui Gackt. This was 'Last Song' by him.**

**Translation:**

**Walking around aimlessly by myself  
Breathing a faint sigh, my breath turns white  
Seasons change, and in this fleeting season..  
My tears fall for no reason  
"Even now, I still love you  
Falling sadness transforms into pure white snow  
I'm always looking at the sky above me  
Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now  
Once more, I want to hold you  
How many times have we not understood and hurt each other  
But even at those times, we were still gentle  
Engraved on the ring that you suddenly gave back to me  
Was our promise that will never come true  
"Even now, I remember..  
These far off thoughts are just brilliant flashes in my memory  
I wanted to be next to you  
Even though I can't see you anymore, I'll always be next to you  
I never want you to change**

**I can't erase those last tears that you showed me [from my memory**

**In your heart, if I disappear along with all these snowflakes  
I want to bloom [in your heart once again  
Don't forget the warmth of us being close together, and hugging  
Don't forget even if you love someone else  
I'll never let go [of the memory of when I heard your voice last and so...I just want to fall into a deep sleep  
Continuously falling sadness transforms into pure white snow  
I'm always looking at the sky above me  
Before this body disappears, I want to reach the wish I have now  
I want to hold you once more  
"I want to hold you once more"**


	8. Ardeo

**Burnt and stripped of love... Love so intense it burns.**

_Where **is** that idiot? He usually comes back the morning after. _He walked into the building towards the elevator, checking his watch. _4:30PM and not a single call._

Eiri Yuki, at a more personal level 'Eiri Uesugi', leaned back in the elevator as it ascended. He casually walked out when the door opened and headed to the familiar door. While unlocking it, he unconsciously checked his mobile phone. _Idiot._

He walked into the apartment and tossed the key on the table, shutting the door after him and locking the fingerprint locks on it.

A breath of air stiffened him when he tried to remove his coat. He waited a few seconds before continuing to remove the coat and hanging it on the stand. He removed his shoes and continued to the kitchen, lifting a glass from the counter on his way.

Once more, distant breath of air forced him to pause.

He turned and looked around. _What the hell is that?_ "Shuuichi?" His heart started beating faster.

Putting the glass back down on the counter, he made his way into the sitting area once more. "Brat, is this you?"

The corner of his eye caught something quickly disappearing behind the end of the couch into the hidden corner it makes with the wall. _What the fuck._

"I'm too tired for games so just come out."

He stood in his place and waited, his eyes glued to that hidden corner. His brows frowned some seconds later and his feet carried him over.

When he was close enough to look over, he saw the tiny huddled up form with pink hair to confirm the identity before his heart skipped. "Shuuichi?"

He quickly sat down next to him on the floor, trying to lift his head.

Shuuichi shook his head and resisted, his left hand reaching over and holding Yuki's hand away. _How is it physically possible for you to be this tiny?_ "What happened?"

Shuuichi shook his head again.

"Ok, what didn't happen?"

Shuuichi shrugged, his head still buried between his knees.

"Shuuichi."

"Nothing, Yuki," Shuuichi said, lifting his head, finally.

They weren't the usual tears. It wasn't the normal brattiness. It wasn't at all childish. Yuki saw that face, eyes, cheeks and hair, only on adults who had no more tears left. Shuuichi's face lowered once more. _He's not an adult. _Yuki lowered himself to completely sit next to Shuuichi and just put a hand on the back of his head and neck.

Minutes later, Yuki was wondering if Shuuichi had fallen asleep in that position. He looked closely and true enough, Shuuishi's lids were delicately covering his eyes. He brushed the hair off his face and exhaled.

_Sorry, back._ He grunted as he straightened up, lifting the sleeping Shuuichi with him and carrying him to the bedroom. _Did he lose weight or is it just me?_ Shuuichi's hand came up and his fingers clung to the material of his shirt.

He only grunted slightly when his lowered Shuuichi onto his side of the bed and pulled the covers over from the other side.

He stayed a few seconds watching Shuuichi sleep in deep thought. _What was that all about?_

The next hour found him lounging in the sitting room with a beer, already establishing that it wasn't a wise decision on a hungry stomach. He didn't know how long he spent just sitting there and vegging, before he noticed a crumpled paper on the ground next to the table that he didn't notice before. He picked it up.

_Tell me with affection in your voice.  
That you never really had a choice.  
Place on me the burden of the best,  
Offer me the future and take it back. _

Show me what you never meant to show,  
Tell me what I'm not supposed to know,  
Contradict me when you're in the wrong,  
Don't commit to anything at all... 

He looked away from it and took another sip of his beer.

_My life is null... and void,  
Dismantled and destroyed...  
My life is null... and void...  
My life is null and void..._

Beer forgotten, in his hand sitting on his knee, he licked his drying slightly parted lips as his eyes kept reading.

_Full me with compassion and concern,  
Thrill me with an unexpected turn,  
Tell me with the secrets that you hold,  
Don't divulge until you're in control._

He slowly lifted the can to his lips and tipped it over, sipping some, before returning it to its position on his knee.

_Show me what you never meant to show,  
Tell me what I'm not supposed to know,  
Contradict me when you're in the wrong,  
Don't commit to anything at all.  
_

_My life is null... and void,  
Dismantled and destroyed...  
My life is null... and void...  
My life is null and void..._

_My life is null... and void,  
Dismantled and destroyed...  
My life is null... and void...  
My life is null and void... Eiri..._

He sat there and kept looking at the paper, no longer reading it, and the next thing he knew, Shuuichi was standing in the doorway, looking as tired as when he found him earlier. _Eiri..._

"Slept well?" he forced himself to ask, though he already knew the answer, putting the paper on the table.

Shuuichi's eyes met his.

_No glow._

"I'm fine."

The raspy voice was almost heartbreak to Yuki's ears.

"I must have fallen asleep."

Shuuichi ran his fingers through his hair.

"What time is it?" he asked, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"8."

Shuuichi nodded.

They stayed like that for a while: Shuuichi standing there being very tired and Yuki sitting on the couch, holding his beer and waiting for Shuuichi to say something.

"Did your meeting go well?"

"Stop avoiding the subject, Shuuichi," he said, harsher than he meant to.

Shuuichi looked up at him again. "What subject."

Yuki stood, setting the beer can on the table and approaching him until they were almost touching. His hand came up and lifted Shuuichi's face from his chin. Shuuichi blinked tiredly. His other hand held Shuuichi's hand on his side. _So cold. _"You're cold."

"A little bit."

Yuki's hand left Shuuichi's chin and went to his forehead. "Why are you so cold? Did you kick off the covers?"

Shuuichi shook his head.

Yuki pursed his lips.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Because you look pissed."

"I'm not pissed, brat."

Shuuichi's eyes fell.

Yuki turned and walked back to the couch, pulling Shuuichi with him from his hand. Shuuichi followed silently. He grabbed the throw from the armrest and wrapped it around Shuuichi before making him sit and sitting next to him. His arm went around Shuuichi's shoulders and pulled his head to rest on his chest. He just petted his hair. Shuuichi's eyes closed half-way.

"My parents... they don't love me."

"You were at home?"

"Mm."

Yuki pulled a strand behind Shuuichi's ear.

"They love everything but me. They just put up with me..."

"What happened with them?" Yuki asked, his voice deep, low and even.

"I never want to go back home."

Shuuichi sniffled and got more comfortable. Yuki allowed him before continuing. "So what happened?"

"They... they're giving away and throwing out my things."

Yuki paused in shock before forcing himself to keep petting Shuuichi's hair. "Did you ask them why?"

Shuuichi shrugged.

"Why didn't you come back here?"

"I didn't want to piss you off and have you throw me out completely too."

"Idiot."

Shuuichi frowned. "Don't throw me out before I tell Hiro and get elsewhere to stay." His eyes closed.

_I gave you no reason to trust me in that area. I'm sorry. _He kept petting Shuuichi's hair absently while staring at the ceiling. _I wouldn't do it, you know._

"Shuuichi are you going back to sleep?"

"Mm-Mm."

"Good, because if you are you better go to bed because I'm not carrying you again."

"Mm-Hm."

"Shuuichi, are you listening?"

"Mm."

"Hoi, baka!"

"Yuki, I'm awake," Shuuichi whined against him.

"Eiri."

Shuuichi lifted his head and looked at him. "Eiri," he said, as if testing the name.

"Eiri."

Shuuichi's eyes welled so he pushed his head back down to his chest, not wanting to deal with Shuuichi's tears... knowing that he couldn't. "I read your lyrics."

Shuuichi put a hand on Eiri's midsection, getting more comfortable. "Mm? How much do they suck?"

"A little bit."

Shuuichi giggled against him.

The corners of Eiri's lips lifted. "Why the interesting title?"

"Two zeros for null and to strike through is to void. Null and Void."

"Hmm... Smart, Shuu. I'm rubbing off on you."

Shuuichi snorted.

Eiri smiled. "I love you, Shuuichi, forever and regardless. You'll never have to be null nor void when you're with me."

Barely audible soft snores came from under his chin.

"Hey!" He paused but the snores kept on. "Hoi!" he tried again... no use. "_Damn_ it, Shuu!" He exhaled and rested his head on the back support, staring at the ceiling._ I'm going to be so sore._

_(Lyrics borrowed from "Null and Void" – As sung by t.A.T.u)_

**_

* * *

_Happy birthday, Adam. Hope you like it.**


End file.
